Working as a teacher means working with parents, regardless of whether or not the student has a Special Ed designation. It's an odd sort of relationship a lot of the time, because most of the interaction between us happens through an intermediary, that being the student. I have no idea, for instance, how a particular student portrays me to Mom and Dad - as boring? mean? lively? informative? There have been notable conflicts in the past, such as the mother who was convinced I had it out for her son because he earned a B in my class one quarter, but had an F on homework (mostly because he never did it). The fact that this episode still stands out after more than a baker's dozen years of teaching is good, because it means that most of the time, most of my parent-teacher interactions have been reasonable.
Adding a Special Education diagnosis to the equation does complicate matters, however. In addition to the usual responsibilities to implement the curriculum, deliver instruction and assess learning comes modifying all of the above and following the legal requirements set by the IEP. And in some cases, on top of that comes managing the parents' expectations. For example, some parents seem to believe that, because their child gets good grades, said child is automatically a candidate for top-level classes. However, a quick read through the IEP reveals that the kid in question has to have a considerable amount of academic support to attain that grade, a fact that indicates this child isn't capable of handing the advanced reading and writing demands of honors history. Now how do you frame that conversation: "your kid only gets good grades because she gets a boatload of extra help, not because she's smart"? (Trust me, that approach doesn't sit too well!) Other parents seem to think that the IEP is a magic bullet that will cure all ills. This is a much trickier situation. Quite frankly, it is not uncommon for an IEP to become a handy excuse for parents to ask us to cut kids extra breaks for reasons that are only tangentially related to the educational disability. We go along because we're afraid that we'll be found out of compliance with the student's educational plan, which opens us up to a whole host of complications (lawsuits being among them). What's more, most of those plans are written broadly enough that you can always find some way that we're not in compliance. It's the educational equivalent of mission creep - IEP creep, as it were.
Basically, a lot of the challenges presented by Special Ed students are the same ones presented by non-Special Ed students, and I can sum it up in one phrase: The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Whether we like to admit it or not, a kid's attitude toward school and education is by and large a reflection of the parents' attitude. A couple of years ago, I had a freshman student on my attendance list who didn't show up to school. He didn't show up the first week. He didn't show up the second week. He didn't show up until most of the way into the third week, by which time I had assumed he'd moved and not told the district. He came to school for one day, was out for a couple, then came back a few days later. Meanwhile, we scheduled an emergency meeting with the mom because - of course - the kid had an IEP and we needed to find out just what the hell was up. As it turned out, she had been homeschooling him (insert air quotes with fingers here) because she "didn't like the way the middle school teachers talked to the kids." How did she know about this? From one phone call she'd made to the school. And when did she homeschool him? Before and after work, because she had a full-time job outside the home. [Here I am going to get on my soapbox: I have known a few well-educated homeschooled kids in my time, and if you really think that's better for your child than the public school, have at it. In most cases, I think you're wrong, but there are a few cases where it works. However, if you are working 40 hours a week at something else, and your kid is supposed to be actively engaged in learning for at least 30 of those hours, then I want to know just when the hell you're sleeping and eating and doing all those other things, because something is getting shortchanged here. Just sayin'.] So here this lady sat, bashing my colleagues and my district right and left, and meanwhile she can't get her kid up and out of bed four days out of five??? Please. Your kid didn't need an IEP, he needed a live-in truant officer!
What I would like to be able to say to a lot of parents (in person, and not just in my blog) is that an IEP gives reasons for your child's performance, not excuses; and sometimes, the accommodations you want for your kid may not be in the kid's long-term best interest. My cutting your kid a break on behavior expectations because of hyperactivity doesn't help that kid learn that actions have consequences. Giving your kid extra time to complete homework without penalty because of organizational issues just means that kid has more time to forget, lose, and otherwise misplace assignments. Today, we had a parent tell us that he wanted his student to come see each of us for an hour after school once a week to make up work and get extra help. Um, really? This student's problem is a complete and total lack of engagement - won't pick up a pencil, won't write down an answer, won't come see us for assigned extra help sessions as it is - and now we have to spend more time watching this kid not-do work, on our own time, no less? Meanwhile, there was absolutely NO mention of any possible consequences following through at home, other than a statement that this kid is now expected to sit down and do the homework. Hm, how about taking away the iPhone that's out every other moment of the day, perhaps? Or blocking the computer games, or taking away TV? No? Because if the parent's not willing to present a united front with us, then any efforts we make amount to pissing in the wind, quite frankly, and I have no desire to stand in that breeze.
Here's my dirty little secret: I've been in far too many meetings where everyone talks a good game about what's going to happen and how things are going to change, but then no one else shows up to play except the teacher. I don't put a lot of mental or emotional energy into kids like that once I get wind of the fact that the parents are going to rationalize away their kid's poor performance. Oh, sure, I'll follow the IEP and make the required modifications, but if the parent is just going to sabotage any efforts we make to actually help the student (please forgive the split infinitive there), then I'll focus on students who will benefit from my efforts. For instance, the kid who didn't come to the first three weeks of school? His mom pinky-promised that he'd be there every day from then on, and he'd catch up on his work and get back on track, and she was going to make sure of it, blah blah blah and yadda yadda. The kid was absent for the rest of the week and hasn't come back to this day, as far as I know. So does that make his mom out of compliance with his IEP, and if so, do WE get to sue???
