Dear kids,
We are rapidly approaching the halfway point in our time together, and I need to warn you about something:
I am running out of nice.
If you continue at this rate, I will run out of nice in exactly five weeks, seven days, and 14 hours. That would leave us...um...subtract three, carry the one, divide by pi....eleventy jillion weeks of school left with no nice left in the tank.
Trust me, people, that's a long, loooong time.
The worst part of this situation is that I can't point to one or two overriding reasons why I'm running out of patience with you lot. I've weathered far, FAR worse groups than you guys, and was not nearly this annoyed at this stage of the game. This is odd, since one of your distinguishing features as a group is that you're a pretty nice bunch. However, you also have this tendency to do nothing for yourselves if you can ask me to do it for you. You seem to be on a collective mission to nickel-and-dime me out of niceness - like Chinese water torture, drip by drip. However, I haven't been sent irrevocably around the bend yet. My cup of nice could be returned to overflowing even now. How? Let me count the ways:
First, it would be nice if you came to school with your own writing utensils for a change. For the love of Pete, you get up every morning, get dressed, get on the bus and go to school, five days a week, forty weeks a year. It's not like it's a big surprise that, hey! You're going to school! And maybe, just maybe, you might need something to write with TODAY, just like you did yesterday, and the day before, and the day before that, and the day before the day before that....
Second, it would be nice if you actually used some of the many, many resources we have to offer for you to keep up with your work. Such as looking at the on-line calendar that I have to keep current. Or checking the electronic grade book instead of asking, "what's my grade?" Or, let's keep it simple, how about actually LOOKING ON THE BOARD when you walk in the room and checking the class information I post EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. instead of just yelling, "Do we have to do any work today?" as soon as you set foot in my door. What do you think I'm going to say? "Of course not! We're all going to sit around eating fudge sundaes and playing video games"???
Third, it would be nice if you would do things ON TIME. As in, you do the work, you complete it, and you turn it in on the date which we have indicated would be desirable. As a double-extra bonus, maybe YOU could remember it, instead of my fielding a constant stream of requests from kids asking to use my classroom phone so you can call Mommy to bring it in (which, what the heck? My mother would have laughed herself silly if I'd asked her to run home, get my schoolwork that I forgot, and bring it in. Because in her book, your work = your problem.). Let me spell this out for you: When you do work late, that means I have to keep visiting and revisiting old assignments to figure out what's been turned in, what's still missing, what was turned in late, why it was late, and so forth and so on... all of which isn't very nice for me.
Fourth, it would be really, REALLY nice if you would treat me as an autonomous human being with concerns beyond the realm of your existence, instead of as a combination doormat/parent figure/personal concierge. Before you come ask me a question, keep this in the forefront of your mind: I have 117 students, plus two kids of my own, a husband, two cats and a ridiculously co-dependent dog to take care of - that's 122 other living beings besides you, all of whom have some claim on my time and energy. So do I know what your grade is right now? No. Do I know if you passed in that thing that you think you did but you can't remember, or maybe you emailed it, but you're sure you turned it in? No, I do not. Can I give you another copy of the work you missed three weeks ago that you never got from me at the time, but now that you see me in the hall you'd like to get it from me? No, I can't. If you really need to ask me those questions, I don't mind answering them - it is my job, after all. But how about using some phrases like "please," "thank you," and "may I" along the way?
Kids, if you start with these few simple steps, you may find that the needle on the Mrs. S. nice gauge starts inching back up from "running on fumes" to "quarter tank" or maybe even "half full". And when that happens, you just might find that your teacher wants to give you hot fudge sundaes and a day to have fun now and again. That's what we in the adult world call a "win-win."
Of course, if that fails, you can always buy me a spa weekend. That would bring me back to nice in a fast hurry.
Yours,
Mrs. SomePig
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