Dear Parents,
I just want to warn you that I have a major assignment due next Wednesday. In the world I live in, that means that sometime between the hours of 7:30 and 2:10, many of you will be getting frantic phone calls from your offspring asking you to please, please, please bring in the project that they left on the kitchen table/on the printer/ in their bedroom/ up on the computer/ on the thumb drive they left in their friend's mom's car, and if you can't make it in, could you please just open it up and email it to school and make sure Mrs. S. gets it?
My students learn a lot from the work I assign. Some of it is the stuff I intend for them to learn, such as the three branches of government, the events that led to the Revolutionary War, and the impact of slavery on our economy. However, a lot of it is stuff that you teach them, whether you realize it or not - lessons such as, Your Mom Will Always Dig You Out of a Jam. Deadlines Do Not Apply to You. You Deserve Preferential Treatment No Matter What You Do. Now, before you get all in a twist about how dare I say such things about your amazing Malyssah and your genius Jaxon, hear me out. One of the things we're supposed to be doing here in the public education system is teaching your child some life lessons, in addition to academic lessons. Unfortunately, it becomes extremely difficult to do that when the adults keep inserting themselves between the actions and the consequences. Think back on your own school days: Do you remember the assignments that you completed thoroughly and handed in on time? No? Now what about the time you really, really screwed up, and had to pull an all-nighter/ face the wrath of your teacher/ take a zero and redo the assignment anyway? I bet you learned at least one thing, that being, "I'll never do that again." And chances are likely you didn't, or at least, you didn't for a good, long while after that.
So let's apply this to your own precious offspring. Guess what? They need to learn those life lessons just as much as, if not more than, they need to learn about the science or math or English or history or what-have-you. I ask you, would you rather have them learn about the need to be on time, take care of their things, and get their work done in middle school, when the worst thing that can happen is they lose credit on an assignment, or would you rather have them learn it when they flunk out of college because they can't manage their courseload? Or they lose their job because they don't understand how to plan for deadlines? Or fail in their marriages because they're self-centered little egotists who think that everything should revolve around them and their convenience??? Okay, that's a little extreme, but only a little. And don't bother trotting out the arguments about how the teachers are arbitrary, the assignments are inscrutable, and the grading system is unfair, because as anyone who has any powers of observation knows, LIFE is arbitrary, inscrutable, and unfair, and the sooner your kid learns how to handle that, the better off they will be in the long run.
I leave you with this final thought: Every time you rush to the rescue, you are infantilizing your child and ensuring that he or she will never learn the skills s/he needs to be a fully functioning member of society. If I proposed that I would take your child from you and refuse to teach him or her how to function, you'd claim it was child abuse. So why is it any better when you do it?
Think about that.
Love,
Mrs. S.
P.S. If you need help, practice saying the following phrases in the mirror to yourself so you'll be ready for the onslaught on Wednesday:
"You forgot your assignment? Wow, honey, that's really too bad. I guess you're going to have to tell Mrs. S. she's not getting it today."
"I'm sorry, honey, but I didn't plan to drive over to the school today, and I have a lot to do. I'll see you when you get home."
"Wow, that's a bummer. It's too bad you're not going to get full credit for that work. Well, we'll talk about it later. I have to go now."
And, if all else fails, there's always that old stand-by:
"I told you so."
After all, that phrase is a parental favorite for a reason.
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