Okay, first, a disclaimer: Every single thing I am about to share with you? Is a first-world problem. I know, I am thankful for all the many, many blessings I have of hearth, home, and health. So lest you read this and think, sheesh, what a self-absorbed, shallow whiner, keep in mind: I am a self-absorbed, shallow whiner with perspective!
The back story: Several weeks ago, I happened to mention to Warren that I would like my own iPad because there are lots of cool educational apps out there I could use and it would be nice to have connectivity without having to lug my school laptop thither and yon (because another first world problem I have is that the school buys the cheap laptops, which are lunky and heavy).
The back-back story: Warren just bought himself a car. It was a used car, and he got it for a good price, but the point is, this man LOVES buying cars and will buy one at the least provocation. In the ten years we've been married, he has bought and sold six cars, many of which were purchased with what I consider to be marginal justification. However, he loves the whole process. He loves the hunt, he loves the wheeling-dealing, he loves fixing them up. Since he is careful with our money and is a good husband and provider, my attitude has been, knock yourself out. That means I have to endure participate in more discussions about torque and horsepower relative to frame size and differential slip than I ordinarily would (which is none), but if it makes him happy, then it makes me happy.
Meanwhile, I've discussed here before that what *I* like is small and sparkly and comes in carat weight. However, since my husband is relentlessly practical, and since jewelry admittedly has very little application in daily life unless you're using it as portable wealth, he has steadfastly ignored my subtle hints and oblique comments (e.g., "I'd love a diamond ring for our tenth anniversary!"). In his view, he had to get me a diamond in order to get engaged, and now that the necessity for diamond procurement is gone, so he is off the hook. Whenever I point out that at least three of the car purchases we've made have been superfluous, at least technically, he gives lengthy justification for his actions that somehow manages to portray my acquiescence to this frequent car procurement as active participation in the process, and acceptance for the necessity thereof. Which is a nice bit of barracks lawyering, as far as I'm concerned.
Fast-forward back to the present moment. A couple of days ago, I was tidying up way too late at night when Warren came in the kitchen. "What color iPad do you want?" he asked, in the same tone of exasperation in which he'd say, "where is the checkbook," or "what do we need at the store?"
"Way to ruin the gift-giving experience," I replied.
"Look, it's like ripping off a band-aid," he continued. "Let's just get this over with."
!!!!!
?????
Um, exsqueeze me????????? Let's just get this over with??????????? That's what he thinks about giving his loving wife a present - that it's an onerous chore to be disposed of as handily as possible? Isn't the point of giving a present that you WANT the other person to have something that they will like and appreciate, to show that you like and appreciate THEM? If it's about the color of the iPad cover, after ten years of marriage, could he not make SOME kind of educated guess about what color I'd like? For the love of Steve Jobs, when Warren got HIS iPad, he asked me to order him a cover and warned me sternly not to order a pink one, which you think would be a PRETTY SOLID CLUE which color I'd like, but even that is BESIDES THE POINT. The point is, if he's going to get me an iPad as a GIFT, then how about choosing it for me based on the fact that he'd like me to have it instead of acting like it's some kind of obligation he can't get out of? And now that I KNOW about it, it doesn't seem very GIFT-LIKE - would it have been all that hard to, oh, I don't know, buy it and wrap it and put it under the tree? Now I don't even WANT the stupid iPad anyway, SO THERE.
[NB: This is the point in the story where my ever-quotable coworker looked at me and said, "I hate you." Then he took out a piece of paper and made a list: "First-world problems - my husband got me an iPad." Another coworker chimed in and said, "No - it's 'I don't want the iPad my husband got me.'" And yeah, I deserve that, a little bit.]
So here's my argument: Warren seems to feel perfectly justified in going out and procuring 'new" cars because it makes him happy. Let's say that over the course of buying and selling all these cars, he's shelled out maybe $5k out of pocket that didn't get any kind of return on investment other than his increased happiness and satisfaction. I consider that $5 grand well spent, in that case. So if that's the case, and if the above scenario is indicative of his approach to gift-giving (which it is), then why the hell don't I just go out and buy myself the big-ticket item I'd like that he clearly is never going to get me? $5,000 would buy a very nice ring, I do believe, and I wouldn't turn around and sell it in three years, either.