Yeah, I get the irony in this title - as in, if I never did either of those things, I wouldn't have a blog, right?
Today one of my colleagues approached me. He'd found out about the existence of my blog third- or fourth-hand and he wanted to make sure that I knew that other people in the district know it's out there. The way he said it made me think that maybe some folks are, if not unhappy, maybe a little uncomfortable with what I'm doing. Or maybe I'm just paranoid. Or maybe I'm paranoid, but as the expression goes, just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get me. I'm not so naive as to think that this couldn't be taken negatively if it's seen by the wrong people, or more likely, heard of second-hand by the wrong people who don't bother to check it out for themselves, but leap to their own conclusions based on what they've heard from other people.
At first, I was really freaked out - who's he talking about? what have they seen? who else knows? - but the longer I thought about it, the more I decided, frig it. I'm not going to sit here feeling like I've been caught doing something 'wrong' when I haven't done anything that it isn't perfectly well within my rights to do (an awkward construction, but you get the idea). I know the First Amendment as well as any other citizen and probably better, and I know Oliver Wendell Holmes' famous injunction that "Your right to swing your fist ends where my mouth begins." Yes, I have considered taking my blog private. As many of you know, I did so, briefly and for my own reasons, earlier this fall. When I was offline to the general population, I found that a great deal of what I find rewarding about blogging disappeared, too. I'm an historian and a teacher by vocation, but I'm a writer by avocation. I get a charge out of putting my writing in the public domain for others to find and read, more so than I do by sharing it only with a chosen few. I can post a Facebook note for that. I love finding just the right turn of phrase or shade of meaning to describe what I've experienced, and I love hearing that those words have resounded with someone I've never met before, someone who wouldn't necessarily feel obligated to take the time to read my work just because they know me. I don't have the time or energy to pursue freelance writing jobs outside my paid work and my 'second shift' at home, so this blog gives me an outlet for that kind of creativity. Would I give up this blog if it imperiled my career? I can't lie - I'd have to. We can't afford to have me sidelined because I like putting the snarky thoughts in my head down on e-paper. But as I already mentioned, I'm not going to put myself on the sidelines for doing something lots of other people, including lots of other public school teachers, do every day.
So, for the record, and just in case any of those mysterious "they"s do happen to read this, I want to make myself perfectly clear on a number of points:
1) I blog about who I am, and part of who I am concerns what I do for a living. That happens to be teaching in a public school.
2) I have never knowingly revealed where I teach, other than my grade level and subject area. I don't even directly refer to the state where I live, although it's easy enough to figure that out if you're paying attention. I have mentioned colleagues by name, but only when they're close friends who know about and read my blog, and only when the situation is totally innocuous (usually because it's a joke at my expense).
3) Any students mentioned in my blog are given a pseudonym, and most of the time they are composite characters based on a number of similar incidences or similar students. I regularly change identifying details, including gender and age, unless it's relevant to the story. If it is relevant, it's innocuous (such as a student being taller than I am). I don't even friend former students until they're 21 for that matter because I believe so strongly that students and teachers need to have some professional distance.
4) Yeah, I cuss in my blog, because this is where I put the stuff that's in my head, and yeah, I cuss in my head. A LOT. Get the f@#% over it. Even though I cuss in my blog, I usually wuss out and use symbols or euphemisms for the actual word, because I'm a chickensh!t.
5) When I do talk about actual students or school situations, usually one of two situations applies: a) they were students far enough in the past that they are not readily identifiable; or, b) the story involved has an element of universality to it. Adolescent boys have been wiggly and hard to keep occupied since Adam and Eve had to go see the teacher to discuss why Cain couldn't stop punching Abel in the halls. Every year, there's at least one female student who plays the I-have-a-crisis card non-stop. And you find me the school district that doesn't foist its share of administrivia and ridiculous bureaucracy on its faculty at one point or another and I will send them my resume pronto.
6) I follow a number of other teachers' blogs, and I don't write about anything they don't write about. Some of them are far more forthcoming than I am with names, places, and other specifics.
7) I have formulated these internal, personal guidelines after thinking a LOT about the moral and ethical implications of publishing a blog. There is nothing here I can't live with, and nothing I won't stand behind. I regularly read through my own archives to make sure I haven't posted anything in the heat of the moment that I wish I'd kept to myself, and I've only ever removed one post.
So if this mysterious shadowy "they" actually does exist, I'd like to make "them" into a "you". I invite you to make yourself known, and, whether you work with me or not, if you think I've overstepped my bounds, or if you're concerned about what I write. I'd rather talk about whatever might trouble you face to face than spend the rest of my blogging career looking over my shoulder and wondering if you even exist.